January 17, 2001 | Issue 37•01
WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."
President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."
"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."
Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
...wow. They really nailed it; 9 months early too.
Glad that's over for at least four years [glee!].
Does anybody remember these, and can you find me a picture? [releases the hounds]
Oh, and for general amusement:
Where else can you get advanced particle physics and the Large Hadron Collider discussed thusly:
By John Cox, Network World, 07/19/07
Among the many mysteries, both great and small, surrounding the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is the attempt to create a computer network in the mid-1990s.
Until now, almost nothing has been known of this secretive and short-lived project, or of the Muggle hired to bring it to fruition as the school’s first and, to date, last director of information technology.
But in the most recent release by Hogwarts of the papers of its late headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, is a memo from the director, one J.W. Coxrid, announcing his resignation. Aside from his being a Muggle, Coxrid’s antecedents are unknown. The memo reveals a singularly unhumorous man, quick to take offense, and with a well-developed sense of his own self-importance, which is typical in those steeped in arcane disciplines.
As is often the case in the magical world, precise dates are uncertain. The memo itself is undated, and independent accounts of the period (cf. the work of Rowling, J.K.) make no mention of the ill-starred project or of Coxrid. But other documents, including payroll records from the Ministry of Magic, make it clear that Coxrid was hired around mid-1995 and resigned abruptly the following Spring.
All that is know of Coxrid’s subsequent carrier is that he invested recklessly in a series of increasingly hare-brained Dotcom start-ups, such as virtualgardening.net (“Leave the dirt and bugs where they belong: in the real world!”) and the mercifully short-lived babesofIT.com. When the Internet Bubble burst, so did his fortunes.
There is a brief obituary of one “J. Coxrid” that appeared in “The Times” in early 2002. Reading between the terse lines, it is clear that this wretch died drunk, destitute and alone, a mere shell of the promising IT professional he once was.
He left behind one mystery. The police report on the death of J. Coxrid includes a summary of an interview with a neighbor who described at length Coxrid’s feverish attempt, indeed obsession, to design and develop an innovative hand-held communicator: it would run on an EDGE cellular network, include Bluetooth and Wi-Fi radios, be able to play music and video files, and most notably of all have but a single button, the device being manipulated by brushing one’s fingers over a sensitive touch screen (one cannot but think that this was inspired by Coxrid’s encounter with wizardry at Hogwarts). He called the device the xPhone and all of his thoughts, sketches, diagrams, and plans were kept in a cheap composition-style notebook.
That notebook, if it ever existed, was never found.
( The memo in question )
Title: 'Small Talk'
Panel 1: [box: Sometimes I forget how to do small talk]
Stick figure friend: Hey!
Stick figure author: Hey, man!
Stick figure friend: What's up? How've you been?
Stick figure author: Well...
Panel 2: [three cascaded panels with no dialog or action]
Stick figure friend: Uh, you OK?
Stick figure author: Yeah! It's just an interesting question. I'm trying to decide what best sums up my--
Stick figure friend: [snapping his fingers in front of Author's face] Hey. Conversation.
Stick figure author: Oh, right. I'm fine. You?
Mouseover comment: But surely I owe you an accurate answer!
...although I've managed to get to answering 'mostly conscious' most of the time now.
or Poe's Lament
At this desk where once were pens revered, I face a monster recently appeared,
To take the place of vellums fine, and quills poised over ink.
A wicked thing, rapacious beast, on my words it longs to feast,
So many words but not the least can bring me from the brink;
So many words, but no mot just -- of the right word, I can't think —
Now this creature and I are face to face, ash to glowing blue -- the cursor keeping pace
With racing thoughts and pounding heart, its malice just the same.
Just one more word is all it will take, and my deadline I will make!
A finger poised to hunt and peck, the final word, the one to bring me fame!
Then … BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH - and I know not whom to blame;
A gelid breeze cracks from inside the tower, whence comes a form of such power;
Growing apace until I see the face! the hair! none other could it be:
For by that certain lack of chin, it is he, it is he! No shade and no twin
Would cause my to PC spin -- the Microsoft Maven is he!
"Mr. Gates! Mr. Gates, I clearly can see that you've come to rescue me –
His soft nerdy face turns scarlet with rage; he is no more the benevolent sage –
He stares at the screen, hits a button or two, while I soak in whisky and terror.
"My program is fine, and Vista is great; I'm a bazillionaire not by fate.
On reboot shall you wait. The fault can't be mine, so I say therefore,
It truly must be all yours." Then gone with a flicker, but just two words more:
(Aside: [crotchety tone] 'Poe-ish'? 'Poe-ish'! I remember when we used to call those parody or pastiche!)
- From the same twisty minds who brought you LOLcats... LOLpresidents. Do not be drinking beverages while perusing, your keyboard will be at hazard.
- Estonia is cyber-enabled, even to the point of cyber-skirmishes. Who knew?
- My favourite Strikeoutgate icons:
- What might be the most level-headed, sensible thread responding to either of Barak's news posts.
- Possible really-good Nessie sighting??
1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it "George W. Bush"
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "George W. Bush?"
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better.
PS: Next week we'll do Alberto Gonzales